Endure
by Everlarkffs
Summary: Annie's mentality is declining, so when she needs someone to care for her two children, Katniss and Peeta become the new caretakers. Will this new responsibility spark a long awaited decision from Katniss?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi readers! So, this is my first Hunger Games fanfiction, but I've been brewing this plot in my head for awhile now. If you like it, leave a review; it would mean the world to me! Enjoy!**

Peeta hands me a cup of herbal tea, in hopes that its calming properties will kick in. "Here you go," he says, plopping himself next to me on the couch. I smile weakly, taking a sip of the drink. My hands are still shaking, causing little droplets to splash onto me. Peeta takes the cup and puts it on the table. "They're not real, Katniss. They were just dreams."

Peeta knows better than anyone else what it feels like to be woken up by the vision of everyone you love, dead. I was in the games again last night, except all my competitors were people who died because of me; Finnick, Cinna, Rue, _Prim_.

The lump in my throat grows with every attempt to hold back tears. "I know," I say quietly.

"You don't have to feel ashamed about it. I get them, too." I nod my head, knowing he's correct. "Why don't we get some food into your system? How do cheese buns sound?" he asks, wiping away a stray tear off my cheek.

I smile and nudge my head into his neck before he goes into the kitchen. My legs feel like concrete and my whole body aches. I force my feet off the couch, one by one, and ignore the pain as I walk up the stairs to the shower.

I submerge myself in freezing water; each droplet feels like acid on my skin. The pain lets me forget the lifeless bodies of my loved ones, if only for a little while. I turn the water off, and almost immediately, memories of what happened years and years ago flood my mind.

Around this time, 14 years ago, the reaping of the Hunger Games took place. It's a time where Peeta and I struggle trying to keep a firm grip on reality.

After I dress, I head back downstairs. The aroma of cheese buns gives a homey feel to a somewhat 'Capitol' house. Peeta stands in the kitchen with a plate of freshly baked rolls. He puts them on the table, a light thud reverberating through the room. 'There you go," he says, looking pleased with his creation.

"Thank you," I say softly. The phone rings, startling me. "I'll get it," I say, quickly standing up from the table.

"Hello?"

"May I speak with Katniss Everdeen?" The voice is a woman's, sounding somewhat familiar.

"Speaking."

"Hello, Katniss. I'm Doctor Noel, Annie Cresta's doctor."

My heart thumps hard. _What's wrong with Annie? _My mind is circling with questions. "Has something happened to her?" I ask, sounding more abrasive than intended.

"Over these last couple weeks, Annie has been getting bad again. Her nightmares and panic attacks are more violent. For the time being, I don't think she's fit to care for her children. We obviously don't want her children to be taken away by protective services, so we need your help."

I process all the information. This time of the year affects all the victors, especially Annie. "What do I need to do? I'll do anything for her." She's become more like a sister than a best friend. Peeta and I have visited Annie and her son, Kai, often. She's one of the only people I open myself up to.

"We need someone in another district to care for her children for a couple weeks. You are the closest thing she has to family, so I was wondering, on Annie's behalf, if you could take in her children for a little while."

_She thought I could care for kids? The reason I don't have kids with Peeta is because I'm too terrified I'd hurt them_. "Not that I wouldn't love to help Annie, because I do, I'm not sure I'm fit for the job, Dr. Noel."

"You're the only one we can call. It's either you or Johanna and we deemed you most fit. Please, Katniss."

I think it over in my head, weighing out the possibilities. At least it would make Peeta happy. "Okay. I'll do it."

Dr. Noel lets out a heavy breath. "Thank you. Thank you so much, Katniss. I know Annie will appreciate it immensely. The kids will be arriving in two days by train." Her voice continues for a few minutes, giving me all the information needed to be fully prepared for having two kids in the house.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone! I was super pleased to see that a few people liked the beginning of this story, so I 'sacrificed' some time out of studying for finals to write this next chapter. **

**I'll try and update next week with the third chapter so you guys can have a somewhat quick update. Enjoy! **

Peeta sits next to me, placing his hand on my knee. "Is something wrong, Katniss?"

_Everything is wrong_. "Annie is getting bad again. She can't manage her anxiety and her panic attacks are getting really severe."

Peeta pulls me into his lap. He places his lips on my forehead, warming my whole body. I can't believe, after 14 years, he still has the ability to make me go weak with desire. "Are they taking her kids away?"

I tremor with the thought of having someone I love being taken away from me. _This is why I never want to have kids. I would love them so much, but have them ripped away. It seems inevitable at this point- if I love or open my heart to another human being, they're taken away. _"No," I manage to slip out. "It was her doctor on the phone. Peeta, she wants us to take care of them. _Us_."

"What did you tell her?" he questions calmly.

"Well," I stutter, unable to stop the shakiness of my voice. "I told her we could- just for a few weeks." He suppresses a smile, not wanting me to feel worse about the situation. I can tell he is overjoyed.

After our marriage, Peeta wanted children so badly. When he would ask me, I would quickly change the subject or leave the room, too upset to answer. Thinking about having children brought painful memories of Rue, Prim, and all the children taken away from their families when they were far too young-_all because of me. _Peeta never pressured me into doing anything I didn't want to do, so after telling him I wasn't ready for several years, he gave up. He stopped dropping hints, stopped staring at children admirably, and stopped fixing up the spare room when he had time.

I felt awful. He still acted the same and loved me the same, but I sensed something was different. He understood in ways I thought no human could. Never once did I have to explain to him why I didn't want kids, he just accepted it and never questioned my choice.

I laugh under my breath. "You can be excited, Peeta." He smiles even wider, embracing me in a bear hug.

"When are they coming? We have to clean the house, get food ready, get baby supplies get-" I put a hand over his mouth.

"Slow your roll. Take a deep breath." He tickles me lightly on the stomach. "They're coming in two days."

His eyes widen. "But that's so soon! We're going to have a baby and a teenager in the house in a matter of days." He's right. I was so worried about Annie and the situation, I forgot about the actual kids.

Kai is an exact replica of his father. He has golden hair, green eyes, and a strong build. We've met him a few times, but the visits stopped a decade ago when Annie was too terrified to travel to other districts. He's now 14 years old and from what Annie tells me, he's an outgoing kid, but can be a normal, moody teenager when he wants to be.

Fleur is Annie's youngest, at 7 months. About a year ago, Annie wasn't in the best place. She was having trouble staying focused, she forgot about Kai all the time, and she wasn't caring for herself. Her doctor suggested that she find something to distract herself from her memories, but every thought reminded her of Finnick. Dr. Noel came up with the idea of expanding Annie's family.

Going through another a pregnancy was a terrifying thought for her, so she opted for adoption. And 7 months ago, Annie adopted a newborn baby. She wasn't told which district Fleur was from, but everybody knew she was native of District 12. Her grey eyes and dark hair made her stick out like a sore thumb from the rest of blonde, tanned District 4 citizens.

"Katniss? Are you gonna be okay?" He brushes away hair from my eyes and leaves his fingers there, pressing slightly. I nod my head in response, not knowing if I'll be able to form coherent words.

The emotions racing through my mind vary. I'm happy that Peeta will be able to be a dad, if only for a short while. The downside is Peeta will be so upset at the end of these weeks; he'll miss them gravely. Seeing him distressed brings out my motherly instincts. I always try to defend Peeta, even though I know he's fully capable of standing up for himself.

"Are _you_ gonna be okay?" I ask, my voice breaking midsentence.

He chuckles to himself. "I'll be fine, Katniss. You don't have to worry about me." I smile unconvincingly. Peeta pulls me closer to his chest, resting his chin on my head. "You're gonna do great."

_I know I'm going to suck. Peeta wants to believe that I'm going to be some mom of the year, but I know I won't. I'll somehow end up hurting one of them and they'll end up hating me, or they'll hate me from the beginning, which isn't an unlikely occurrence considering how unfriendly and unapproachable I am. _

His chest rises and falls, calming me with every breath. "Honey, you don't have to worry. You're not alone." I stay silent.

We sit together for awhile before Peeta speaks up again. "Why don't you go hunting? Take your mind off things."

I move my head away from the warmth of his chest and place a light kiss on his lips. I untangle myself from his limbs and change into my hunting gear.

I quickly lace up the intricate pattern on my hunting boots and head outside. The sun beams down, warming my body instantly. I breathe in the fresh air, letting all the stress drain from me.

I get a few waves and smiles from townspeople, but I just nod in response. Over the years, the people of District 12 have grown accustomed to not seeing me very often. I never left my house unless absolutely necessary, except for hunting. I would avoid the town as much as possible, steering clear of painful memories and reunions.

When I did leave my house, people would be surprised to see me in one piece, with my mentality in order. Rumors spread like wildfire and I avoided the lime light as much as possible, but someone always knew the 'true story'.

Every year there were baby rumors, and after awhile, Peeta and I couldn't stand the annoyance and pain of turning on the TV and seeing our faces with blue and pink questions marks hovering around them. Peeta made an official statement for the press, saying, "After the trauma of years past, having kids isn't in our future. Katniss and I would appreciate greatly if our daily lives weren't seen by the whole country. Thank you." The Capitol ate it up, putting it on news channels everywhere. They obviously didn't understand that we wanted our privacy, but I understood why they were so excited, considering that nothing big has happened since our wedding, which we kept on the down low. We have no reason to speak to them, so waking up hearing from the 'Star-Crossed Lovers' was exciting.

I listen for the buzz of the fence on instinct, even though years ago they turned off the electricity permanently. This allowed me the freedom of hunting without the worry that I would have to jump out of a tree and sprain my ankle to return home, although the stakes aren't quite as high now as they were before

I slip under the wire effortlessly, the grass blowing against my legs. The hill is overgrown and soft, flowing in the light breeze like water. I take my time walking into the forest, enjoying the quiet and beautiful outside of District 12.

I grab my bow and sheath of arrows from their usual spot in the hollow of a tree, even though everybody knows I hunt on a weekly basis. Leaving my bow in my house seems out of the ordinary, so I hide them in the log that has so greatly held them for so long.

During these hunts Gale pops into my head, but it doesn't bring me anger or grief. After all these years, the thought of him killing Prim has lessened. Although it's still in the back of my mind that it could've been his bomb-his doing-I've mostly rid myself of negative feelings. I only think of our hunting trips and our old friendship that has dwindled to seeing him only once in the last 14 years.

Gale didn't come to my wedding. He got an invitation, but declined it, only thinking of himself whilst doing so. A few months after Peeta and I were wed, a knock came from the front door. It startled us both, considering no one ever came to visit.

_Gale stands in the doorway, flustered. "Hey, Catnip." I don't know how to respond. I search his face for an answer and rack my brain, trying to understand how I feel. _

_I slam the door behind me and push Gale down the steps, causing him to stumble backwards and land in the dirt. _

"_What the hell is wrong with you?" He stands up, wiping off the dirt that now covers him. "You don't visit me for years, you don't answer my calls, you don't come to my wedding, but you think it's okay to just show up at my house?" _

"_Katniss," he says in a hushed tone. _

"_No, Gale! You can't just keep thinking that ignoring me or never seeing me will fix anything! That's not how the world works! I _tried_ to speak to you for _years_, but it always went to voicemail. I thought you _hated_ me. Peeta had to reassure me that you didn't despise me because he saw how upset I was every time I left a message on your answering machine. That's the difference. Peeta was _there_ for me when _you_ weren't. You left without saying goodbye." I'm on the brink of tears from anger and frustration. "You can't just show up and expect us to be friends again. You can't just do that."_

_Gale stays in his place, looking shocked. "I'm sorry, Katniss." He approaches me, but I instinctively back up. "I've been a jerk to you and I know that. I was just afraid that-"_

"_Afraid that I wouldn't see you as more than a friend? That's all you think about, Gale! That's always what you've thought about!" I'm fuming. I rush up to him, slapping him across the cheek as hard as I can. It sends a stinging pain down my arm and I can only imagine how much it hurt him._

_Peeta rushes outside and comes between us. Gale eyes up Peeta, who's standing in front of me territorially. "I think you should leave, Gale." Peeta puts his arms around me and leads me inside, whispering comforting words. _

_He closes the door and sits me down on the couch. I sob immediately, holding Peeta tight. _

"_It's okay, honey. You had the right to be angry." He rubs my back soothingly. "But I think you should go talk to him."_

_I sit up abruptly and look Peeta sternly in the eyes. "Are you taking _his_ side, Peeta? Of all people, you'd be the _last_ person I'd think would take his side!"I glance away, my brows furrowing from annoyance._

_He turns my face so I'm looking at him. "Katniss, I'm not saying you have to forgive him. He was pretty horrible to you. But he was your best friend. You should at least talk to him." _

_I contemplate this in my head. Although I don't really want to see him again, I know that if I don't talk to him I'll regret it forever. I let out a puff of air. "Fine. I'll speak to him," I say, crossing my arms stubbornly. _

"_And maybe don't slap him this time?" I narrow my eyes. He backs up, pretending to be intimated. "It's just a tip." _

_Hazel moved back to District 12 along with her younger sons after the town got spruced up. I helped her pay for a nicer house that comfortably fit her rambunctious children. _

_I knock on her door, knowing Gale will probably have visited her after being turned down. Hazel opens the door. "Katniss," she says, looking behind her. "Um-"_

_Gale appears over her shoulder. "We need to talk." He nods his head in response and we walk, one behind the other, to a scarce part of town. The walk there is quiet-only the sounds of our boots on the gravel fill the eerie silence. _

_I stop when I realize nobody is around us anymore, just us two. "I'm not going to apologize, if that's what you're thinking." Gale's face stays the same, absolutely emotionless. "But I don't want us to hate each other, Gale. I just…why? Why did you ignore me for so long?" _

"_I couldn't bear seeing you again," he says, looking nearly embarrassed. "I didn't have enough strength to come see you again. I thought you would blame me for everything."_

"_Gale," I say, shaking my head. My voice softens. "I don't blame you. Yea, there's always going to be a small part of me that thinks it's true…but I don't blame you. The only thing I'm angry with you about is the fact that you made me think you hated me. Peeta tried to convince me you didn't, but I couldn't believe him fully. He'll do anything to protect me…" I say, my voice trailing out. _

"_And I'm sorry for that."He gazes at me again. "And for the record, I really am happy for you and Peeta. You deserve each other."_

I approach my snare. I sigh loudly, seeing that it did capture a rabbit earlier today, but something was obviously quicker than me. Next to the trap is a bloody heap, too beat up to be able to pass as an animal. I reset my snare, making the arrow sharper and the noose tighter.

I hunt deeper into the woods, aimlessly walking as I go. I keep my killing to a minimum, not wanting to have heavy load on the trek back to town.

A small rabbit hops past me even though my footsteps could wake a whole town. I wasn't planning on any more kill, but the rabbit was right there, and it was so small that it wouldn't make a difference to the weight.

I pull out an arrow from my sheath, setting it in place on the divot of the bow. I stretch my arm back enough so that the arrow is next to my ear, brushing it lightly. It's an easy kill; a beginner could get it on their first try.

I release the arrow, seeing the rabbit fall into the dirt. The rabbit, so naïve, put its life in the world's hands-_and I killed it. _

My breathing hurries and my knees buckle. I try to calm myself down by practicing the breathing exercises my doctor told me would help. But it's no use, because before I can slow my heart rate, I'm already clinging onto a tree, shaking and crying.

The rabbit, so defenseless, didn't know what was coming. It was obviously a young rabbit, couldn't have been more than a few months old. And I killed it, without any reasoning or hesitaion. It barely had a chance to live and I shot it in its heart. _Just like Prim. Just like Rue._

X X X

I wake up in a pile of dead leaves. Bile rises in my throat, but I swallow hard, forcing it back down. I shiver from the acidic taste left in my mouth.

I look at my arms, which have deep scrapes that are dripping blood. My nails are caked with the thick, red liquid, but I'm not surprised, since this is a common occurrence.

I scratch my arms raw during my attacks, in hopes that the pain will make me realize what's real and what isn't.

I force myself up, catching the tree for balance as the world spins around me. I walk back into town carefully, making sure I'm going the right way.

I enter Victor's Village and walk halfway up the stairs to my house. I know Peeta will be worried that my arms are bleeding and he'll have a flurry of questions, so I backtrack and end up knocking on Haymitch's door. I don't want to be babied right now.

For once, Haymitch answers the door. He looks absolutely terrible, most likely hung-over from last night's binge drinking. "Hello, sweetheart. You look like crap," he says, slurring his words.

I push past him and walk into his kitchen. He closes the door and follows me. "Same can go for you. Hung-over again, I assume?"

He smiles, slamming the bottle of white liquor onto the table. "You would be correct." I sit down across from him, paper towels in hand. I roll up my sleeves and press the towels down, absorbing the blood trickling down my arms. "Whoa, what did you do?" he asks, getting up and sitting closer to me.

Haymitch is pretty much drunk 24/7, but even in those times, he still cares very deeply about Peeta and I. "I was hunting and fell…into a bush." He raises his eyebrows at me and chuckles.

"Does your husband believe any of that?" he asks, standing up and retrieving an old first-aid kit from the cabinet. "What really happened?"

"I…had a panic attack while hunting." He stares at me and nods.

The thing about living with other Victor's is that they know exactly what you went through and go through every day of your life.

Haymitch douses my arm with liquor, ridding it of any bacteria that burrowed in my skin whilst I was napping on the forest floor. He cleans up each and every cut, slowly and cautiously.

When he's done, he sighs and leans back in his chair. "I've worked my magic. You look…almost acceptable." I try to hide the smirk that tugs on my lips.

"Thanks, Haymitch." He smiles and grabs his bottle of liquor again, looking pleased with his work.

"No problem, sweetheart. Now go have some _fun_ with your husband." He wiggles his eyebrows. I punch him playfully in his arm.

"_Haymitch! _You're disgusting!" I shake my head.

He shrugs his shoulders and looks bewildered. "That's not what I was implying. You have a dirty mind, child." I roll my eyes. "In all seriousness though, you can tell me. How is it?"

I grab the bottle from his hand and place it on the opposite side of the table. He sighs loudly, annoyed. I grab a squirrel from my game bag and slam it down onto the wood. "Here," I say. "Now go take a bath, Haymitch."

I slip off my boots in the house, ridding myself of my jacket and coat, too. "You're back," Peeta says, walking in from the kitchen. "How was it?"

I nod my head, too distracted by the smells in the house. "I was only gone for a few hours Peeta and now it smells like someone poured bleach everywhere."

He smiles sheepishly. "I couldn't help myself." He approaches me and grabs my game bag. "Our house is extremely dirty, for the record." I smile, trailing closely behind him.

"I like it that way. It actually feels like a home…not like some Capitol mansion." He turns around as he takes the contents out of the bag.

"There's a difference between dirty and messy. You just don't like to clean up after yourself." He laughs quietly, picking up the bottle of blue cleaner and spraying it on the counter.

I shrug my shoulders. The house is too warm for my taste, so I roll up my sleeves. "_Crap_," I mutter under my breath. I quickly pull the fabric down to my wrists and pace to the guest bathroom.

I stand in front of the sink and look at the damage. The scratches and cuts don't look as ghastly after Haymitch cleaned them up, but they're still entirely visible.

I splash water on my face, scrubbing the dirt off my cheeks and neck. I pick a few leaves off myself here and there, which have been glued to my body with mud.

I exit the bathroom and find Peeta still in the kitchen, but he's now skinning the squirrel I brought back. "I can do that," I say, walking over to him, trying to appear as calm as possible. "I know you hate doing it."

He shakes his head. "It's fine." I nod and then sit down across him, watching the way his arms work. But I can only be distracted by him for so long, because before I know it, Prim's face sneaks into my mind.

"Uh, Katniss?" Peeta's arms are around me. I stare at him, confused. "You were out for a couple minutes."

It happens whenever I'm reminded of painful things from my past. I get lost in my head for a few minutes, but I myself don't even realize that I've lost grip on reality. I'm usually torn out of my daze by Peeta's strong hands.

He looks concerned. "Katniss, did something happen while you were hunting? You've been acting weird since you got home."

I contemplate hiding my arms and lying to him, but I know he'll figure it out at some point. I slowly roll up my sleeves and close my eyes. I always hate seeing him upset, especially when he's worrying about me.

"Oh, Katniss," he whispers. He lightly holds my hands, examining the damage. "Why didn't you tell me?" He leans forward and kisses my head.

"I hate worrying you, Peeta. You have enough to think about." I figure that lying to him won't benefit us at all, so I'm completely honest.

"Don't worry about me. I want to know when you're hurting so I can help you. I hate seeing you in pain." He cradles my body, stroking my head. "I love you."

I don't respond, afraid that if I open my mouth, nothing will come out but gross sobs. It scares me to death that someone like him could ever love someone like me.

**I really hoped you liked this chapter! It would mean so much to me if you checked that 'follow story' box and left me review :) My Tumblr is 'deansfallenangelpeeta' (I know, a really long name. I want to change it after Christmas) if you wanna follow me on there! I would love to hear from you guys! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Heyo everyone! I know this chapter took a while for me to get up, but I've had writers block and just could not write. I'd lost the ability. After awhile the juices starts flowing and I wrote the next chapter. **

**Enjoy! **

"Katniss," Peeta's voice whispers in my ear, tickling the sensitive skin. "Wake up, hun." My head feels groggy and my vision blurred enough to make me hold Peeta's legs for support.

I always hate waking up. There's this moment when a person wakes up and they have no worries or troubles. It seems like a fresh, new day and they don't have a care in the world…_they're happy_. But in a matter of seconds that happiness fades away and they are ambushed with the realities of the world.

Peeta and I have to go pick up the kids today and I couldn't be more terrified. My whole life kids out of the question. Before I went into the Hunger Games, my only worry of having kids would be there was always a chance of the being reaped. After the rebellion, having kids seemed too painful emotionally and I couldn't bring myself to make that decision.

Prim is always on my mind when I see a young, bright-eyed child who's excited to be alive. That was what Prim was all about; she wanted to help others when they couldn't care for themselves and she was grateful to be living. I envied her excitement for life even when times were tough, and her ability to see the good in the world with the little time she had.

What makes living in this world harder is that a child who loved life so much wasn't able to live past her young years and fulfill her dreams, while I on the other hand managed to survive when I should've been dead _years_ ago. I can't see the beauty in the world the way that Prim could and it kills me every day to know that she won't able to experience life ever again.

When Annie visited, I refused to be alone with Kai, in fear that something would trigger me and I would accidentally drop or hurt him and ruin Annie's life. I'm almost certain that she's alive because she has her children to live for. I already took one of her most cherished treasures away.

Seeing me lost in thought, Peeta brings me into his lap. "Katniss, it's okay. Don't feel pressured to talk to them if you feel anxious. Just tell me and I'll do the talking, okay?" I nod my head, nuzzling into his neck.

"Okay," I reply. "Let's go then, I guess."

Peeta ran around the house a few times, checking that everything was in place for our young guests, before meeting me outside. He baby-proofed the house, covering every single sharp edge and securing each cabinet door.

Dr. Noel sent us a sleek, black car to take us to the train station. I insisted that we could walk, because after all it was only a 15 minute walk, but she overruled me, saying that they were bringing more than we could carry with our bare hands.

The car arrives at 12:30 precisely, just as Peeta and I lock the front door.

"Wait!" Peeta yells, fumbling for the keys again. "I forgot to do something!"

I sigh. "What?"

"I didn't clean the baby bottles!" He unlocks the door and opens it sliver, but I slam it shut and lock it again.

"Peeta, cleaning bottles can wait till we're back home."

"It will only take a second, Katniss," he says, attempting to open the door again.

I roll my eyes and step in between him and the door. "Peeta, get in the car or I'm leaving without you," I say in a playful tone. He laughs a little before descending the steps and opening the car door for me.

The ride there was a short one, only lasting 5 minutes, and was quiet. Peeta tried to engage in light conversation, but it only made me more nervous. I snapped at him for worrying too much and being too clingy, which I then apologized for right after and blamed it on the stress. I didn't talk the rest of the way there.

Dr. Noel stood at the train station with two children. I grabbed Peeta's hand and squeezed it. Kai, an exact replica of Finnick and Fleur, a District 12 native.

The car parks and out of the window we see them waiting for our arrival. "We better go say hi. You ready?"

_I will never be ready for this, but might as well act like I am_. "Ready as I'll ever be."

Peeta kisses the top of my head. "Let's go see them," he says delightedly, not being able to hide his obvious excitement.

"Dr. Noel. So great to see you again!" Peeta says as we walk over. He holds onto my hand until we reach them and then lets go to shake Kai's.

"Hi, Kai. Last time we saw you, you were only a few years old. Good to see you again."

"Good to see you, too," Kai says quietly. He turns towards me, waiting for an introduction.

"Hi, Kai," I manage to squeak out. "I'm Katniss." My palms sweat profusely, so I rub it against my jacket before taking Kai's hand. He has a strong, firm grip, just like his father.

Kai nods his head and doesn't say anything in return. He just grabs his suitcase and walks over to the car.

Peeta's kneeling next to me, holding Fleur's tiny hand and talking to her in a high-pitched voice. "Aren't you just a gorgeous girl," Peeta says, smiling widely.

His blue eyes glisten, the way they do when he's excited. But while seeing Peeta with a child makes me happy, it's a stab to the heart knowing that I was the one whom rejected him that form of happiness.

"Katniss, why don't you take Fleur into the car and strap her in? I'll bring the rest of the luggage." I nod my head and carefully grasp the car seat handle with two hands, clutching onto it tightly. I slowly walk to the car, making sure every step is safe. Fleur wiggles in her seat, sick of being strapped down.

She probably only weighs 20 pounds, but I feel like she's as heavy as a deer because I know that her life is, to some extent, is now in my hands.

I approach the car and expect Kai to open the door for me, but he sits there, motionless. I don't know what I expected- maybe that he would be exactly like his father. I make sure I have a firm grip on the car seat and quickly whip open the door.

I lightly place Fleur's seat in the car and try to work out how to strap it in. There are instructions on the side that are completely unhelpful, so I blindly try to do it myself. I fumble with the straps, grunting from annoyance after a few tries. Fleur stares at me with her big eyes, trying to grab my braid with her pudgy hand. I flinch instinctively and hit my head on the roof of the car.

I rub my head and find Peeta standing next to me, smiling. "Want me to do it?" I nod and slide over next to Kai so Peeta can strap her in.

He secures the seat within seconds and then walks back over to the station to talk to Dr. Noels for some last minute information. Fleur stares aimlessly, not showing the smile that she wore when Peeta was around. Kai sits next to me, impassive.

"So, Kai," I say, trying to sound somewhat cheerful. He turns to me, his eyes empty. "District 12 has been spruced up since the last time you came here." I cringe at my dry attempt at conversation.

"Yea," he says, his voice deeper than I anticipated. "Learnt about it in school."

_Oh god; he knows. _"What did you learn about?" I ask quickly.

"Well, we learnt about the coal mines you guys used to have, how they were explosions…stuff like that."

I let out a sigh of relief. _Maybe they don't teach it in schools... who am I kidding- I altered history. Of course they teach it. I'm not exactly proud of everything I did. _

Quicker than the speed of light, the memories of the people I love dying, my home being destroyed, and the games race into my mind.

Peeta enters the car, letting out a huge breath. "You two know how to pack," he laughs.

It seems like whenever I want to forget something, it only becomes more real, like adding fuel to an inferno. Giving pain more attention only makes it sting more and that's exactly how it is with memories; the more I try to suppress and forget about them, the more they haunt me.

Peeta notices the uneasiness and reaches behind Fleur to rub my back. 'You okay?' he mouths to me. I nod in return and stay quiet, thinking of ways to make Kai not hate me.

As we pull into Victors Village, I see Kai staring out the window, wide-eyed. I can't see his expressions, but in the corner of his eye a tear forms, but only for a second before he can wipe it away.

"It's dead," he says unexpectedly. "How many people live here?"

District 4 had many winners, filling out the houses of their Victor's Village. A rule only newly made, states that after a victor has passed on, their family shall be able to move into the house formally lived in by their victor. I assume that the Victors Village is buzzing with life, children and grandchildren filling each house. Mags' grandchildren inhabit the house where she did once, having the burden of their dead mother and grandmother on their shoulders.

I've never noticed how quiet the village is, most likely because I like it that way; it seems normal. "There are three of us. Peeta and I live here along with Haymitch." Kai doesn't really respond. He just stares out the window, solemnly.

"Here we are," Peeta says.

Our house is undeniably the livelier of the two. We have primroses growing in the front that Peeta tends to on a daily basis, giving off the glow that someone lives there, unlike Haymitch's, which can easily be mistaken for being abandoned. The only thing giving away that someone lives there are the geese in his backyard. I hate how loud they are, but I know it's what Haymitch does to keep himself happy and sane, so I never complain.

I step out of the car behind Kai, feeling quite awkward and useless as Peeta lugs out several suitcases from the trunk. I take it upon myself to help, so I attempt to take out Fleur's car seat because I presume that it must be easier to take out than it is to put in.

She stares at me, her hand once again reaching for my braid. I bend down, loosening several straps. It comes undone easily, making me feel proud.

Fleur pulls my braid tightly. I yank my head away, irritated.

Her eyes begin to water, and soon enough, she's wailing her head off.

My eyes go wide. I don't know what to do. Prim was so much older when I had to care for her so it was simple to talk to her about the problem.

"It's okay, calm down," I say below my breath. It doesn't seem to do anything. "Please stop crying, it's okay! You're fine!"

She continues to cry. Kai is sitting on the steps of our house, watching me. Peeta stands with some suitcases, watching me too. "Try holding and rocking her," he says.

"I have to _hold her_?" I say unsure. "What if I drop her?" I ask in all honesty. I'm completely horrified of her hurting her.

Peeta laughs and walks over. He bends down and one by one takes Fleur's arms and legs out of the straps. He holds her, one hand on her head, one hand on her butt, with her body on his chest. "Just do this and rock her. You'll be fine, I promise," he says, gesturing for me to take her.

I shakily stretch my arms out and put my hands beneath her arms, and slowly lift her to me. I attempt to hold her like Peeta held her, but she doesn't like the position and kicks her legs in protest. I settle with holding her how I remember my mother holding Prim, with one arm cradling her head and the other the rest of her body. I don't really know what to do after that, so I begin swaying back and forth.

I look down upon her face, her cheeks rosy red and her eyes squeezed shut. I bounce her up and down, keeping a constant rhythm, but it doesn't seem to do anything.

"It's okay," I whisper to her. Her cries don't lessen with my feeble attempts, they become louder.

I feel uncomfortable, worried and upset. I don't know what to do. "Peeta," I say, anxiously. He walks over.

"Its okay, Katniss. Just keep rocking her and she'll-"

"No. Take her," I say, passing her off. I turn around and walk to the front steps of the house.

I feel irritated with myself that I couldn't handle a crying baby. I hear behind me no more crying, just giggling. _Of _course_ Peeta could do it._

Kai stands up when I approach him. "I'll show you inside," I say, twisting the keys in the lock.

I walk in before him, holding the door open. He steps inside with his suitcase in tow, immediately taking everything in.

In an effort to make the house feel homier, Peeta and I hung up pictures of our friends and family. He arranged them and even put up Prim so that seeing her and talking about her wasn't as difficult. It was nice to be able to see my little duck every day, although some days were less pleasant than others.

We talked about taking the pictures of Finnick and Annie down, but I ruled against it, agreeing that Kai should be able to see his parents happy and in love. Annie never talked about Finnick with him because it upset her too much. Peeta didn't want to agree at first, saying that it would only upset him, but I insisted.

Kai immediately takes notice of the picture of Annie, Peeta, and I. Peeta is holding Kai in his arms, who was a few years old. "That was the last time you visited us," I say, feeling as though I have to fill in the stillness. "You absolutely loved Peeta and would not leave his side." I laugh at the memory and I hear a slight chuckle beside me from Kai.

He scans all the photos before his eyes land on Annie and Finnick at their wedding. I can feel him tense next to me as he surveys the photo.

I'm sure he's seen pictures of Finnick before, but they were most likely just from photo shoots the Capitol set up. These pictures are unscripted, completely natural, and they show what his father was really like.

A pang of guilt hits me for letting him see the photos, so I say, "I'll show you to your room."

It takes him a few seconds to turn his attention away from the picture. It's almost like he doesn't want to lose his father or forget the way he looks because he's already lost so much precious time with him.

Kai trails behind as I lead him to his room. The room's pretty underwhelming considering nobody has stayed in it for years now.

I walk over to the window and open the curtains, letting some natural light in. "So, here it is," I say. "Now the guest bathroom is right across the hall which is all yours and you already have fresh towels in there. I'll let you get settled in. You can take a nap or a shower if you want. Peeta and I will be in the kitchen, so if you need anything we're right downstairs."

I don't know if he's listening because he doesn't say anything, but I leave anyway, closing the door behind me to give him some privacy. As I shut the door, I hear him throw his body onto the bed, and if I'm not mistaken, I hear him crying. _Oh god. Now I've upset him._

I think about going into the room to console him, but I don't want to step over any boundaries, so I leave.

I walk down the stairs and see Peeta carrying in Fleur. "What happened?" he asks, shutting the door.

"Nothing," I say, sitting down on the last step.

"He looked pretty upset from where I was." He joins me on the step with Fleur, who I don't exactly want to see right now.

"It was nothing, Peeta. You were out by the car, he wasn't upset." I feel fairly defensive, not wanting him to know what happened, how Kai reacted to the pictures.

It's easy for me to admit that I'm wrong. Yes, I'm quite stubborn, but that doesn't mean I can't tell when I'm being a complete idiot. I try not to lie, but for some reason I'm incapable of stopping myself because I don't want him to see me as a complete disappointment.

"Katniss, it's not hard to tell when someone's upset, even from where I was standing." He grabs my hand, squeezing it. "And I can tell you're lying," he adds.

Once again, the guilt of not telling Peeta the truth overwhelms me. "He saw…he saw the picture of Finnick."

Peeta lets out a long breath. "God damn it," he curses under his breath. He lets go of my hand and runs his fingers through his hair.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

He sighs loudly at me. "I told you we should've taken those pictures down. Within the first minute of being in our house we've already managed to upset him." He stands up and walks into the kitchen, where he places Fleur in her high chair, who gurgles happily.

"Peeta, he was fine!" I say. I move into his field of view.

He shakes his head, turning away from me. "No he wasn't, Katniss!" he says loudly. "_You_ insisted on keeping those photos up! And now it's messed everything up!"

"What did _I_ mess up? We can't tip toe around the topic of his father forever!"

"Katniss, I want these next two weeks to be perfect! I want us to be like a family together and have all these special moments that we can laugh about in years to come. I wanted all of us to love each other and have fun together, but we've already managed to make both children cry." He covers up his face, his cheeks red. "I just wanted this to be perfect," he says quietly.

I step closer to him. "Who cares?" I say, removing his hands from his face. "We'll…make it perfect." His expression doesn't change.

He turns around and grasps the countertop. "That's not why I'm upset."

"Why are you upset then?" I snap, sounding ruder than intended.

He sighs. "Katniss…do you realize that we've had these children for thirty minutes and we've already fought?" I stay silent. "I've dreamt about a time where we had kids and everything was perfect. I just thought that maybe…" his voice fades down to nothing.

"What?" He doesn't respond, but it doesn't take me long to put the pieces together. "You thought that if this all went well…it might've changed my mind."He turns his head towards me and nods. "Peeta," I whisper under my breath. "You know how I feel."

"I know," he says, sounding completely ashamed. "I'm sorry for bringing it up." And with that, he opens the refrigerator and grabs some milk to make a bottle for Fleur.

I walk to the cupboard and grab a four pack of bottles Peeta bought for Fleur and walk over to the sink to clean them. Peeta is next to me, now grabbing snacks from the fridge for Kai. "Peeta," I say. "Do you want to talk?"

He turns to me, about to speak, when Kai walks into the kitchen. Peeta and I both turn around and stare at him, feeling like we'd been caught.

"Kai," Peeta says. "Want something to eat?" He shows him the array of snacks and Kai politely chooses a sandwich which Peeta made within seconds.

Once I'm done cleaning the bottles I hand one to Peeta, who fills it with milk and baby formula. We weren't exactly sure what babies need or what they want, so we both did tons of research and bought everything a baby could possibly need.

I stand at the microwave with him as he closes the door and presses 30 seconds on the keypad. He doesn't acknowledge my presence and I can feel Kai watching us like a hound.

The beep stating that the milk is done startles us and I hurry to take it out. Remembering from the books, I take the bottle and tip it upside down on my wrist, testing if it's too hot or cold before giving it to Fleur.

"Feels fine," I say, handing it to Peeta, who takes it in his hand and tests it on his wrist.

"This is too hot." I scowl at him in protest.

"No it isn't, Peeta, its fine." He shakes his head.

We go back and forth, arguing under our breaths before we hear Kai. "She usually makes it warmer for her…Annie makes it warmer for Fleur. She likes it," he says timidly.

Peeta nods his head and walks over to Fleur, who snatches the bottle from his hands and instantly begins chugging it.

"You'll have to help us out with all this," Peeta says to Kai. "We don't know anything about parenting, so if you could maybe give us tips along the way." Kai nods while taking a huge bite of the sandwich.

We all sit at the table together staying silent. _Dear god, these next few weeks are going to be painful. What do we talk about?_

"If you don't mind," Peeta says, standing up from his chair, "I'm gonna go upstairs and get Fleur's crib sorted out."

My heart already begins to race just thinking about being left alone with the two of them. I widen my eyes at Peeta, who just mouths 'You'll do fine', or something along those lines before leaving the room and going upstairs.

I turn back to the kids, who are waiting for me to do or say something. _I'm _waiting for me to do or say something.

Fleur slams her bottle onto the high chair table, breaking the silence. I walk over to her and say, "You're done I suppose." She wiggles her pudgy legs, hitting the plastic of the chair. I turn to Kai, somewhat embarrassed of asking for his help. "Um, can I let her out or do I need to burp her?" I ask hesitantly.

Kai shrugs his shoulders. "Annie usually burps her after she's drunk a bottle of milk." I feel anxious knowing that last time I had to hold her she screamed her head off until Peeta held her."It's easy," Kai says, noticing my doubtful look. "Just hold her head over your shoulder and pat her back with a towel or something on your shoulder. You don't want baby spit up all over you. Gross."

I walk over to the counter, grab a tea towel, and place it on my shoulder. He is right; I don't want baby vomit on me.

I look at Fleur, who s drooling all over her chin. _Why do people want kids? They take so much time and energy and they makes huge messes wherever they go. _I shakily stretch out my arms reluctantly and pick her up.

With one hand I hold onto her butt and back tightly, absolutely terrified of dropping her, and with the other I begin patting her back in a slow rhythm.

I don't know how long it's supposed to take, but for two minutes nothing happens. I begin walking around the kitchen, watching every step I take to make sure I don't lose my footing. Then suddenly, I hear a small but definite burp from Fleur.

I smile happily, elated that I was able to do something right. _How bad can kids be?_

**Again, I'm so sorry that this took so long to get up. I don't think my writers block has ever been that bad- I wrote at least five different scenes for the end of this chapter and was not pleased with any of them. **

**I would be so grateful if you left me a little review of how you liked it :) Thank you for reading!**

**And if you want to follow me on Tumblr, I'm now 'toastbabeis'!**


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